Walking papers

It is the age old story of the confused woman.

Segue to introspection here, we'll return to the crux of the problem later. Why is it that women get confused like this? I am generalising, but when men are rat finks, they're quick and decisively rat-finky. Women get confused (author not excluded).

Confusion between:
here and there, the rush and the steady, the now and the later, the ant and the grasshopper. And often, often the instinct is towards the wrong thing.

Reasons (blame allocation):
a)new feelings i.e. something the girl has not experienced before. Blame youth and inexperience.
b)Inability to reason i.e. too much importance on all that crap about what the heart feels, what you "know" inside, one true love and all kinds of romantic nonsense. Blame Hindi movies.
c)A genuine dilemma. the bird in hand is unsatisfactory. Risk analysis between this bird and those two in the bush is inconclusive leading to confusion. Yep, we women can be cold calculating 'n' manipulative.

Segue back to the case in point.
V in considering giving S his walking papers. S is really broken up about it. I was shocked to see him like that. S is being really decent about it. He's spoken sensibly to her. Very sensibly. Too sensibly? At 12:30 I had to speak to him. I implored him not to be sensible. Attack the heart, I told him. He told me he tells her he loves her every 2 minutes. I would have felt better if he hadn't told me about the 2 minutes. It added to the calculated feeling. He needs to go romantic hero on her.

verdict: He has to go down to meet her. No way will the outcome favour him. And when he meets her, he'll have to do a Rhett Butler.

Sneaking in my judgemental side: V, very stupid reasons indeed. S, how on earth are you not angry?

I wonder what I'd have done. I think I might have drawn up in pride and told the person to go their own way. With reasons like this, the crawling back is inevitable. And then you wonder, do you want the person back. S is really nice, I respect him immeasurably for not reacting like I might have. I really stink, you know.

I stink more than you think: I was thinking of Wodehousian schemes to get them back together. Seriously.

I am selfish in the face of others' troubles. After listening to S., I thought about myself and R.. At some time we'll be long distance. Insert obvious worry here.

What worried me most:
S. saying that if this goes belly up he's going to become someone he wont like. He's losing faith in relationships. He says this has happened to him twice before (I don't know about them due to my policy of never asking). He says he looks like a fool for trusting.
That's terrible. No one should lose faith in happiness two people can have. There are breakups and tough times, but one needs to remember the good with the bad. That's why we put ourselves through it, because we have faith that something good could be waiting for us. That something good can happen. And it can. It always can.
The pessimists will tell me, it may not ever happen. And I would tell them then, if I don't try, I wont know. Even if its hopeless, I want to be able to be like a deep space array, waiting in the desert, all my senses open to all the probabilities, waiting. Its easy for me to say perhaps. I don't know, I'm in a good place etc etc. Maybe if and when I'm in a bad place I can drag some of this hope to then.

Okay, enough tralala hope light sweetness and joy. Ugh.

Point is, I don't like seeing him think this way.