A good trip, an excellent trip.

Only I'm so tired after it.
So much climbing, walking, hiking..tea, strawberries, excellent people, the different weather zone, ticket tensions,
We went strawberry plucking, clambered all over tea estates, climbed to the moss forests, visited the Orang Aslis, went moonlight mountain climbing to 1500 metres, Munki's b'day celebrations, shutterbugging....

How much shutterbugging at that. I'd say I've got 140-150 pictures. The only thing I don't have pics of is the moonlight climb. It was to 1500 metres up a mountain (hill?) albeit only from 1200 metres, but it was jungle terrain; all roots, mudslides and sheer drops. Lucky it was night, I'd never have dared in the day. I remember near the top, there was a part where we had sidle along an edge and there was a drop of 50 feet. I nearly had the panics but not to disgrace myself, I kept my eyes on my footholds and handholds. The guide was most amused at us. He was only a little older than us, but he's much fitter. During the steepest ascents, we had to beg him to stop and give us a breather, several times. But it was quite steep really and he was so fast. The whole distance from the first climb to the top and back to where we could walk again, was about 7 kilometres. God only knows how long it was including the parts where we could walk. It took us 3 and half hours from start to end.
Was it only a weekend? It felt like we crammed a week into these 2 days.
I've got bruises from where I slipped down the hill onto an obliging tree root.
And I can feel the train rocking. Sleepy.
I'll post some pics here later, Bloggy.

Non-monks

I was chatting with a colleague. He's much older than me and he's been telling me of his life. His diet is strict and his excercise regiment is regular, he wants to become a monk at 40 and he sounds like he means it. he's telling me of all this thoughts, his wish to shut out desire, how his investments have paid off so he can. And he says it to me a fervency which surprises me. He's mild mannered usually.

Why is he telling me this. I am young and my life is before me. I'm full of desires and plans. No monkishness from me. I have a lot to do and I'm brimming with energy. Do and see. Plan and make.

Chains

oh my god. I'm free, I'm free, I'm free.
I knew it was nagging me the conversation I had with Jas and B at work, who both want their first child to be male because he'll keep the family name and look after everything. My god. Haven't we thrown off these patriarchal notions already? What is there in a family name? Why can't a woman look after the family. How on earth will there be equality if women deny it to themselves and to their own children. Chauvinism from men is bad enough, but to meet this from a woman. What kind of opinion do you have of yourself?
And then I was reading of a recreation of early 19th century house life and was reading the chafing of the women. These were successful 21st century women who couldn't take it. In a recreation of 4 weeks. Depression, boredom, irritation result.
Thank God I'm free. Free from having to be one of those women and free from chains that women are willing to deck their own children with.

Fear of flying and other things

I dreamt yesterday that I was with a group of people, all of whom were going to watch a movie and that we were going to watch it on a plane. We came up to the plane, it was a small plane, with wide wings, seating maybe only 10. The pilot came up to us. We strapped in and he took off at an impossible angle. I was suddenly scared. The plane rolled, dipped, dived, turned. I was so frightened, I felt sure we would soon die.The pilot seemed to be in control but he looked faintly puzzled, like a car driver who can't find the right road. He then landed before the movie could start.

I rushed off the plane saying, "I'm not used to small planes". They took off again but I went and watched the movie in a huuuuuge safe movie theatre which was all spread out on one level. After the movie, the plane people (who landed safely) met me and jeered at my fear. The experience, they said, was unbelievable.

Now, I dislike dreams recounted in too much detail but I woke up for once knowing what my dream meant.

It was all about my fear of applying to an MBA and leaving Singapore. Every one of those people who were on the plane with me were either applying or giving their gmat or had given it. They were the ones brave enough to go ahead with it and in my dream I gave in to all the fears and snuggled in my comfort zone and suffered for it.

Man, the mind is a tube of toothpaste. Squeeze it in your sleep and the thoughts come smooshing out in the oddest manner.

I am to me, all that I am

To what extent does someone really have anyone?
Ultimately we're all alone. No matter how much you love or how many people you are fond of, it seems to me that in all essential matters we're alone.

There seems to be no option. I am alien. I am needy and private, lost and assured, underconfident and proud, stupid and intelligent, I am loving and cold. I disgust, provoke, outrage and bore. I drift away wrapped in my own uncertainty.

hi Ipshita, this is Ipshita speaking. I hope you'll like me. It looks like we've got a long journey before us.

Surprisingly Relevant

I found the essay below very interesting
http://library.marist.edu/faculty-web-pages/morreale/sillynovelists.htm

To dispell the notion of my seeming to be a misogynist, I want to clarify that I find men write a whole host of silly novels too. Theirs is a sillyness quite their own.

The best novelists are the ones where you don't think of the first name, just the surname. Austen, Bronte, Gaskell, Tolstoy, Tolkien.

Pain is my master
I feel alive after pain.
But I can't help wishing I need not feel it at all.

also.. arrrrrrgh, the indignity