Back from hols. People tell me I look radiant. Radiant? Well, I am mopey, not feeling well and sniffly. I guess post holiday depression is not very visible,
An interesting hols. I didn't fight with anyone as is my custom. No random flareups. What does that say about me, I don't care. They know I love them endlessly. I tell them that often. I love my parents, my sister and my most beloved dog. It frightens me how much they all mean to me.
Pyari, the dog who lives downstairs, she gave birth to puppies. One of them fell ill. She died in my hands... It was very frightening. To see the life pass like that. I had bad dreams for a few days. There was nothing awe inspiring. The puppy threw up, peed and died. Undignified. Return to Chaos. Life is the miracle. Death is just simple. Return to what we came from. One day I shall go. My heart will stop, and everything I think and the person I am learning to know will just stop. End program. Stop the wheels. Full brakes.
Having said that, on the flight back I was not afraid. I was just bored. Someone once told me they're not afraid of flying because they wanted something to happen. An experience, even if it did lead to death. I secretly thought to myself, that their life must be quite empty and tired that they would not want to return to it. This flight, I almost found myself wishing for the same thing. Has my life become empty and tired? So soon?
Well, I am back. Dearest Bloggy, I've missed writing in you.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Philosophy
Met a guy on the plane yesterday. A 60 year old pump engineer. An agnostic who was born a muslim. A very interesting conversation.
Drawback: I dont like discussing death whilst on an airplane and I was very sleepy, which made my concentration weaken and my mind wandered at times.
But very interesting on the whole. I adore meeting people on the plane. I meet so many interesting ones.
Drawback: I dont like discussing death whilst on an airplane and I was very sleepy, which made my concentration weaken and my mind wandered at times.
But very interesting on the whole. I adore meeting people on the plane. I meet so many interesting ones.
Feeding the Dog
"Give the dog 3 slices of bread when we're gone."
"Yes, Ma" and I shut the door.
Brutus, who is by the door frame looking like his family has abandoned him, turns his attention to me. They say dogs cant understand speech.
I go to the breadbox, fish out three slices of bread and regard them unconcernedly. The dog who is shadowing me, looks up at me anxiously. I sit down on the floor, bread in hand and seem to forget about him. He sit down by me, but pride dictates that he look a little unconcerned too. It might almost work but for the drool.
As I continue to ignore him, he sighs deeply. A heartfelt, rending sigh.
I still ponder the mysteries of the universe. He sighs again, glancing at me, moving a little closer. His eyes soon are fixed on the bread. I casually switch hands, and his eyes are riveted to them.
He sighs agains, a yelping sound underlying it and casually paws me.
Poor puppy. I give in and demand a kiss. Big mistake. Slobbery dogs are not good when they bump their noses against you, but I love him so much, I'm swayed completely and give him all three slices in one go.
A performance piece.
"Yes, Ma" and I shut the door.
Brutus, who is by the door frame looking like his family has abandoned him, turns his attention to me. They say dogs cant understand speech.
I go to the breadbox, fish out three slices of bread and regard them unconcernedly. The dog who is shadowing me, looks up at me anxiously. I sit down on the floor, bread in hand and seem to forget about him. He sit down by me, but pride dictates that he look a little unconcerned too. It might almost work but for the drool.
As I continue to ignore him, he sighs deeply. A heartfelt, rending sigh.
I still ponder the mysteries of the universe. He sighs again, glancing at me, moving a little closer. His eyes soon are fixed on the bread. I casually switch hands, and his eyes are riveted to them.
He sighs agains, a yelping sound underlying it and casually paws me.
Poor puppy. I give in and demand a kiss. Big mistake. Slobbery dogs are not good when they bump their noses against you, but I love him so much, I'm swayed completely and give him all three slices in one go.
A performance piece.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The restaurant at the end of the world
Atop Penang, atop the hill, there's a little hotel with a restaurant sitting by the cliff side, overlooking everything. The grass is green there and the trellis grows thick over the tables. And you are the king of creation on your cafe chair throne, sipping your drink. The waiter plucks flowers for the ladies and makes butterfly shapes. And then he asks you, do you want to see the snakes?
Yes, we cry.
He points up at the trellis. Two adult pit vipers and 5 baby pit vipers, all in their full potency of venom but quiet as the leaves themselves. Minding their own business. After a few photographs, we mind our own too.
And then the rain rolls upon us and beats thickly on the canvas sheet. The four of us and seven snakes under a canvas sheet protected trellis, looking out at the white world, sitting where the earth ends.
The Gods on Mount Olympus. They must have felt a bit like this.
Yes, we cry.
He points up at the trellis. Two adult pit vipers and 5 baby pit vipers, all in their full potency of venom but quiet as the leaves themselves. Minding their own business. After a few photographs, we mind our own too.
And then the rain rolls upon us and beats thickly on the canvas sheet. The four of us and seven snakes under a canvas sheet protected trellis, looking out at the white world, sitting where the earth ends.
The Gods on Mount Olympus. They must have felt a bit like this.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Penang
Just back from penang. My body feels dull. My mind feels dull.
We did a lot, saw a lot, ate very little. Or at least, I ate very little. That would explain the dull feeling. I'm going to have to recharge over the next few days with sleep and food. Thing is, though we had fun, not all of it engaged my mind. Every time I was disposed to admire something, A would switch into documentary mode and say something inane like "Look at those hill, beautiful, just beautiful. Look at the verdant greenery and the salubrious climes." And soon I was stubborn and refused to look at any scenery. Near the end I was blatantly asking A to please be quiet. And B was an animal. All we got from B were requests for food. I mean, I get hungry too. But the animal hunger in her, the chomping, the dull bored look in the eyes unless food was mentioned, sometimes it gave me a chill. C, was perhaps most suited to my frame of mind. I wanted to banter, to joke and laugh. As it was, I had to pull A's leg unmercifully to keep my mind alive. I wanted to look at the crabs on the battered rocks, the moss on the stones, chat with the waiters, bob in the sea. It was no one's fault really. And the thing is, bloggy, to get everything, really everything you want is a luxury. And the end you have to pick and choose the most important. And to me, that is to preserve some amount of peace in the group, make sure no one is disconsolate (B about food), make sure no one is riding roughshod over everyone else (A), or doesn't drown or is embarrassed about it (Sorry C, but that's you, not that I could have saved you if I tried and you had no need to be embarassed, coz it looked scary.) Coz when a group goes out of harmony, its very disturbing. And I've been on the wrong end of all of this (i.e. in the shoes of A,B and C) at times and its not nice.
Enough psychobabble.
On to the trip itself. I was in the sky (para sailing), in the water (and choppy it was, aye) and on a restaurant which might have for all we could see, at the end of the world. And because that place deserves a post of its own, I'll say no more here
There were spiders spinning their webs across a waterfall, hairy crabs doing their territorial thing on the rocks, one brahminy kite, several dogses, a few puppies, snakeses and snakeses.
The water sports were muy fun. We let rip on the jet ski. Lucky yandan was my pillion, she weighed me down, or we would have flown off. A bumpy, choppy, jump the waves experience. The para sailing was effortless, too effortless, I didn't get any real depth of feeling. A tame ride: I lifted off well and went up high, too high. But we went around dutifully and I landed easily. I was so high, because I'm light (?), the beach boys told me. I shall post a picture and show you how high.
The banana boat was a bit of an anxiety. Those who fell off, had a real hard time getting on. When I eventually fell off, I realised it was quite difficult. But I'm generally calm in the water. I can imagine it must have been worse for others.
My favourite moments: The restaurant on the top of the hill and the 15 minutes of sheer fun on that jet ski.
We did a lot, saw a lot, ate very little. Or at least, I ate very little. That would explain the dull feeling. I'm going to have to recharge over the next few days with sleep and food. Thing is, though we had fun, not all of it engaged my mind. Every time I was disposed to admire something, A would switch into documentary mode and say something inane like "Look at those hill, beautiful, just beautiful. Look at the verdant greenery and the salubrious climes." And soon I was stubborn and refused to look at any scenery. Near the end I was blatantly asking A to please be quiet. And B was an animal. All we got from B were requests for food. I mean, I get hungry too. But the animal hunger in her, the chomping, the dull bored look in the eyes unless food was mentioned, sometimes it gave me a chill. C, was perhaps most suited to my frame of mind. I wanted to banter, to joke and laugh. As it was, I had to pull A's leg unmercifully to keep my mind alive. I wanted to look at the crabs on the battered rocks, the moss on the stones, chat with the waiters, bob in the sea. It was no one's fault really. And the thing is, bloggy, to get everything, really everything you want is a luxury. And the end you have to pick and choose the most important. And to me, that is to preserve some amount of peace in the group, make sure no one is disconsolate (B about food), make sure no one is riding roughshod over everyone else (A), or doesn't drown or is embarrassed about it (Sorry C, but that's you, not that I could have saved you if I tried and you had no need to be embarassed, coz it looked scary.) Coz when a group goes out of harmony, its very disturbing. And I've been on the wrong end of all of this (i.e. in the shoes of A,B and C) at times and its not nice.
Enough psychobabble.
On to the trip itself. I was in the sky (para sailing), in the water (and choppy it was, aye) and on a restaurant which might have for all we could see, at the end of the world. And because that place deserves a post of its own, I'll say no more here
There were spiders spinning their webs across a waterfall, hairy crabs doing their territorial thing on the rocks, one brahminy kite, several dogses, a few puppies, snakeses and snakeses.
The water sports were muy fun. We let rip on the jet ski. Lucky yandan was my pillion, she weighed me down, or we would have flown off. A bumpy, choppy, jump the waves experience. The para sailing was effortless, too effortless, I didn't get any real depth of feeling. A tame ride: I lifted off well and went up high, too high. But we went around dutifully and I landed easily. I was so high, because I'm light (?), the beach boys told me. I shall post a picture and show you how high.
The banana boat was a bit of an anxiety. Those who fell off, had a real hard time getting on. When I eventually fell off, I realised it was quite difficult. But I'm generally calm in the water. I can imagine it must have been worse for others.
My favourite moments: The restaurant on the top of the hill and the 15 minutes of sheer fun on that jet ski.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Seething in Private
Please. Please spare me the hyperbole, the poetry and the heart rending constructions you've put on your situations. You were always a bitch and every fibre of yours is turned inwards. Sometimes, maybe you glimpsed reflections of the world outside, but you only saw them on the mirror of your soul. And I used to know you, I know there's a lot of scum floating on that soul.
Hatred is a simple thing. I hate you. Simple, right?
Edit: And I don't mean me.
Hatred is a simple thing. I hate you. Simple, right?
Edit: And I don't mean me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)