I wish I could be more like Lisa Simpson. There's a better way to living life than just thinking of oneself. I'd like to be able to fix something.

beautiful SFO.

Now work.

happy Ipshita

I get sentimental before journeys. They are little bookends for tiny chapters in everyday narratives. So I always want things to be neat and tied up before I go forth. All issues resolved and all work done. I do not like cliffhangers

There must be something I like about my new job. I spent an hour cheerfully humming to myself while geeking out over tiny travel accessories.

I didn't think I could get so much cheer from TSA compliant travel bottles.

Oh, Bill Gates was very cool too. Nerdy but earnest. I like.

Oh my god, I'm going to die.

I don't mean today, or even tomorrow though thats not out of the question. I mean eventually.

I still can't imagine it. The great unknown. What does that do or say for all my incentives? Luckily for me and everyone around me, I think very short term on impulse. But I truly genuinely am frightened by the thought of that full hard stop. I'm so used to living. :)

edit: So much melodrama... Product of the late night heeby jeebies

I am going to miss you when you're gone. There is no deeper connection and there is no way this could last but it's interesting that our paths crossed these last two years. I'm not sure I'll ever see you again and certainly not in the way I've been used to. Farewell

What does this apply to?

Chicago

MBA

and maybe YOU! (melodrama)

Why Why Why

You took away the one thing I loved the most and the hole in my life has not healed. I can't find myself loving another dog so and every dog I meet I compare with him. It doesn't make any sense

Rant at the universe. I can't believe he's gone

Shallow: when you're thinking I am so much prettier than her. When you know your dress is cheap but they don't know it and it makes you happy. When you know this is boring but you're in it for the compliments and ego boost. When you're glad to see people only because they all seem glad to see you.

Ugh. It calls for a shower. Scrub the shallow out. You're growing haggard, the white of the dress is already fading and gladness of a meeting cannot be sustained without the deeper regard. But it's not entirely my fault. I didn't choose this. I would have chosen to be with Rajesh and just friends and family. I would have chosen work honestly done. This little bubble life of mine is fleeting and I am left looking quizzically into the camera wondering who I am being photographed with now and if they would please stop spitting into my hair when they talk.

Thank you global economy, thank you trade. I love going to the supermarket and buying just enough for a day to satisfy my little cravings. Imagine relying on the local produce of Chicago (which is good and great, yes, yes) but what about bananas, cherries, avocados, wasabi, edamame?

Munching down on some delicious cheese and bread rolls, with strawberries and cherries for dessert

Oh its a beeeyoootiful day in downtown Chicago. slightly cloudy, slightly sunny with a nip in the air and the wind being only slightly playful.

I am going to miss you

Ambition is allowed

Why haven't I written in you for so long? It's a good question and I'm asking myself the same thing. One reason is that post I started but which died before the finish line. Dead posts don't allow living ones to bloom. The second reason is that I've been thinking thinking thinking.

I was talking to someone of my notions of happiness. They consist of the following. Emotional support and presence of those whom I love: My parents, my sister, and of course Rajesh (and Brutus my love though you're not here). Personal achievements and progression. Money enough not to want in necessities or ability to invest in oneself for growth. I was speaking with a little enthusiasm of what I hoped for the future. He brushed aside every part of my happiness that was linked with material wealth and ambition. To him it wasn't important and he said that the personal things were all that made him happy. I felt I was being judged and said so. he denied it but I continued to feel it.

And because I can't take it lightly. Happiness is a big big thing. It wasn't a serious challenge to my thoughts but who am I to not question myself. Oh and I did. I spent so much time thinking about it. I did more. I read psychiatry papers on how people report happiness and economics of utility and happiness. I must be a nerd even when I soul search. After all when did I become an authority even on myself. I am fairly the same as everybody else I'm sure.

And after all this thinking I'm decided. It is a crime to hide away all ones enthusiasms for the sake of traditional happinesses. I will not deny that family and friends give a lot of satisfaction but I cannot deny the satisfaction that achievement gives. So ambition is once again allowed in the pantheon. And I am not sitting biting my nails second guessing myself feeling like half of myself

A deeply restful trip to Singapore. I feel entirely recharged and somewhat ready to handle another quarter.

More interesting I read a very interesting essay. When we're doing nothing, apparently our minds and something called dark networks (long story, short blog post) are imagining futures for us and reliving pasts. I emphasise something I always feel. Truly passionate science is poetry or literature. I quote- "It is only when the environment demands our attention—a dog barks, a child cries, a telephone rings—that our mental time machines switch themselves off and deposit us with a bump in the here and now. We stay just long enough to take a message and then we slip off again to the land of Elsewhen, our dark networks awash in light."