Back.

I had a really good trip. City hopper who got a lot of food and rest

These days I'm something like the opposite of a beggar. I see someone and immediately start thinking of what I can give away to them

Me: Would you like my plant?

Me: My blue coat would fit you nicely

Me: I know my gloves would go with that

Me: A beautiful wrought iron dining table with glass top and matching chairs needs a home

Me: I can't part with my dinner set, alas I have to and I think yours is the right home for it

Me: Vacuum cleaner? I have two!

My friends will soon have much to remember me by...

Always so much to learn. Ketchup is a non newtonian fluid and that's why it won't come out of the bottle unless you stress it by shaking. Explains so much.

It rains outside and it rains a lot. I think inside. I do search my motivations at times. No satisfactory answer yet. There will be no way of knowing for sure until after I am somewhat settled with work and then I can think about the extracurriculars.

I do not know why I do things. Does that make me an automaton? Does that mean I am not thinking enough? Or am I just on autodrive? No, I know why.. I haven't had enough to really do. I haven't had enough dance classes for me to feel involved, I have no classes, I have no work, I have no deadlines. Hence no motivation.

There is so much happening and yet right now it is such a lull. I'll try and explain.

The dancing on friday and saturday was so stressful. I am a little sad I couldn't let loose and enjoy myself more. So from that point of view I consider it a failure. It was never meant to be work but that is what it became. If I ever do this again I either have to be less nervous or ready to accept the stress levels. It won't be worth it otherwise. I can't take stress on like this. It's not healthy! Then I wonder why I am doing all of this. Why am I dancing? I had full-time loads for work and study and will continue to. Where is all this dancing going to get me? I spend money and effort on it and pour so much heart into it but I don't know if the returns are commensurate. I'm not always like this, I have enjoyed myself in the past but right now it feels like a relationship is over. We'll have to see in Singapore how I feel about it.

Then now we're done with school. That is a 2 year relationship that's ended right here. I am at a loss. I know there is so much for me going forward but what about right now? I don't have any school stuff to do. Only packing, sorting, disposing, moving etc. That's not what I am used to.

And I lost my phone yesterday. Miserable. I had that little antique phone for these last 2 years ever since I got to Chicago. And now, on graduating, I lose it. Miserable.

And all of us are leaving. I may never see any of these people again. Perhaps then I won't mind it so much but right now I am forlorn. I should have contrived it so that I left for Singapore yesterday or today. Time to think at such moments is a bad thing.

I think the takeaway is that after the adrenalin of the last few months, it's quiet here and I am finding it a little depressing. Sigh.

There is great comfort in dreams at times.

I thought I wouldn't be sad and I thought I had assimilated it all. That I would leave here and not come back. turns out that my mind had accepted the leaving but the never coming back hit me hard today. I am being silly. Everything comes to an end and seems inconsequential from the other side. But while I'm on this side and approaching the paradigm shift how frightened I am.

I will miss you terribly, Chicago. I'll miss my carefree MBA life. I should never have complained once about it. I loved all the moments. Even the stress, since it helped me lose weight. I would never have started dancing, never have learnt anything without coming here. My life has been changed.

Ah well. you knew the 'rhapsody' post was coming. I am a product of my environment.

Some things can never fail to make me laugh. Whirling round and round, dogs being affy, the story of Rajesh and the dog and (the reason for this post) my Sauron bobblehead doll.

I dreamt all night that I had been brought in on a consulting engagement for a friend's family run business. What a dream. I worked all night, really

Watching Korean drama and identifying too strongly with the obvious villain of the piece. But I can't help it. the good guys snivel, make long speeches when it is time to act, get second thoughts at crucial moments, are easily manipulated etc etc etc. The drama on the whole is one big whirl of wide eyed wonder, set changes, evil smiles and eyebrow raising

It's a bright and beauuuuutiful day. I was up late last night once I woke up researching on Kilimanjaro. Now that's going to be quite a trip hmm hmm? Yet I am up on time today, ready to stuff my face. Fat, did you say? I'll lose it. Time to slap some sunscreen on and venture forth.

That's the moral of the day: slap suncreen on and go forward (grin)

It is so hard to take school seriously any more at this stage. There is far too much to do afterwards

I woke up suddenly tonight and remembered that the world is short of one labrador. I don't want to be soppy but I have these moments of intense grief and then they pass like it never happened. Sigh.