Liver

I am feeling tired and my liver is revolting from all the eating outside and contiuous every day drinks. I know milo isn't the best detox but I don't feel like eating any food and I'm just drinking milo. I'll head down and get some fruits after this. the worst part is that I've got drinks lined up for today as well! Sob
I wanted to stay thin for India. Right now thats just a joke.
Ah, my complaining liver

More Friends

I am actually quite surprised.

I have more friends in Singapore than I gave myself credit for. I haven't been good at all or fair at all to them, considering them acquaintances. They're all being really sweet and kind and good and when even those whom I was sure I wouldn't miss become sentimental I feel all teary in bidding them goodbye.

I am actually tired.

I want to spend time curled up in a familiar room, looking up at the ceiling which is dear to me. Walking along sunlit blocks of books, shops and heritage buildings, laze and loll. Going out night after night is taking its toll on me

Bookshops

I made my way to my favourite used book store day before yesterday and told the owner of my impending move. His face fell and he was actually sad, he followed me around the store, holding the selections I periodically picked out, asking me about it and expressing how sad he'd be to go. and in the end, he didn't charge me a cent for the books though I protested long.

I was really touched. I'll miss him and his store too.

There are many many beautiful things, but are they heisenberg like?

Will they become less beautiful once I look at them?

Mental image of them waving arms and saying "Begone Shade of poisonous Visage" but you know what I mean. Pretty places and we tourist the charm away. Pretty things and we leave our breath and fingerprints over them.

From the sleepy desk of IB

A historic vote. And I just said hmm.
I'd liked to have watched it on television. Bohemian I may be, but why this disconnect from reality?

I suddenly feel the pressure of getting everything done before I go. There's a fair amount to do.

One drink too many

And my face is dulled, denied the feel of the breeze I know is passing me
And the stars are pinpricks of fierce burning and I notice the moon has a companion
And the dim white flowers glower at me from amongst the dark bushes
And the deepest blacks of night are like notes in a song and the music is all around me

I have to sit to take it all in. The door is locked and I am waiting to be let in. I chastise myself for being such a lighthead.

Endings

I hate sad endings. No wonder fairy tales and kiddy stuff serves up happy ends by the platter. But after a while, I rebel of happy endings too. How could it be happy? How could it be resolved. No Sirree, I want my happy endings realistic, and if you can't make it realistic, you give me the sad stuff anyway. I'll deal with it.

It's unfair and voyeuristic, I was telling him, that I should casually pick up a book and read a man's life from end to end from hope to death, to the unhappy conclusion. I should read it page a day, growing old with them. Its heart rending for me to sit here in my twenties and read of their lonely ends.

Why can't they be happy? What did they do? Why did they do it? Why won't you be happy? Please?

There are no rewards for good deeds, no justice, everything is by chance and I'm sad. A hole in my heart, ache in my soul, numb in my self, hurt in my hope sad. Which is an okay kind of sad. It feels like growing pains. Fancy that, I thought I was quite old already.

There is a feeling of heaviness in the air. My mental barometer is reading low. All these changes and demands on me, the chicken in my wants to hide, but no head in the hole approach will get me through.

In other news I seem to have reverted into a teen yet again. Caught on Justice league. In love with Batman. Nothing to do with the new movie, but good timing huh? I'm silly, I want a happy ending, there are no happy endings for the Bat.

Break the blog fast

I saw a logo today which tickled my fancy no end.