Friday, June 19, 2009

Dear Diary

At a period of low self confidence it's good to get one's grades. I know there's no correlation between these and success at work. However, I'm always scared that I'm completely stupid. And I've been a little overwhelmed by the smarts and the tough as nails attitude at work. Everyone exudes a quiet competence. It's not bravado or smugness. I am going to have to really step up my game here to stay put. I think I could but I'm not certain. And I'm really scared the infrastructure isn't in me. So confidence from any source is welcome.

And it's a relationship isn't it? I love central banks, Bloggy, and so it's a real pleasure to know that central banks has loved me back. Mmmwah. Here's looking at you, kid.

Singapore has been good to me otherwise. I feel more grounded, less volatile and more sensible than I usually do in Chicago. I was out last night and it was good to be in Suntec, hanging out with the old crowd. I have a lot of people to meet yet, and I shall, I shall. While the jet lag slowly recedes. Do you know what i find I never noticed about Singapore before? The smell of humidity in the evening. It's a sweet fragrance of earth and leaves that rises as the sun sets and the temperature begins to fall. I noticed it with surprise on Tuesday and I've noticed it every evening since. It's partly like the smell after rain and it's galvanising, the smell of life, water, soil and makes me fairly dizzy with the joy of being alive.

On a side note, I used to think that this dizzy ditsy feeling that gets triggered unexpectedly every now and then was just youth but I'm glad to see it's not receding. If I live to seventy, I think I could wake up and feel intoxicated with the pleasure of being.