Back.

I had a really good trip. City hopper who got a lot of food and rest

These days I'm something like the opposite of a beggar. I see someone and immediately start thinking of what I can give away to them

Me: Would you like my plant?

Me: My blue coat would fit you nicely

Me: I know my gloves would go with that

Me: A beautiful wrought iron dining table with glass top and matching chairs needs a home

Me: I can't part with my dinner set, alas I have to and I think yours is the right home for it

Me: Vacuum cleaner? I have two!

My friends will soon have much to remember me by...

Always so much to learn. Ketchup is a non newtonian fluid and that's why it won't come out of the bottle unless you stress it by shaking. Explains so much.

It rains outside and it rains a lot. I think inside. I do search my motivations at times. No satisfactory answer yet. There will be no way of knowing for sure until after I am somewhat settled with work and then I can think about the extracurriculars.

I do not know why I do things. Does that make me an automaton? Does that mean I am not thinking enough? Or am I just on autodrive? No, I know why.. I haven't had enough to really do. I haven't had enough dance classes for me to feel involved, I have no classes, I have no work, I have no deadlines. Hence no motivation.

There is so much happening and yet right now it is such a lull. I'll try and explain.

The dancing on friday and saturday was so stressful. I am a little sad I couldn't let loose and enjoy myself more. So from that point of view I consider it a failure. It was never meant to be work but that is what it became. If I ever do this again I either have to be less nervous or ready to accept the stress levels. It won't be worth it otherwise. I can't take stress on like this. It's not healthy! Then I wonder why I am doing all of this. Why am I dancing? I had full-time loads for work and study and will continue to. Where is all this dancing going to get me? I spend money and effort on it and pour so much heart into it but I don't know if the returns are commensurate. I'm not always like this, I have enjoyed myself in the past but right now it feels like a relationship is over. We'll have to see in Singapore how I feel about it.

Then now we're done with school. That is a 2 year relationship that's ended right here. I am at a loss. I know there is so much for me going forward but what about right now? I don't have any school stuff to do. Only packing, sorting, disposing, moving etc. That's not what I am used to.

And I lost my phone yesterday. Miserable. I had that little antique phone for these last 2 years ever since I got to Chicago. And now, on graduating, I lose it. Miserable.

And all of us are leaving. I may never see any of these people again. Perhaps then I won't mind it so much but right now I am forlorn. I should have contrived it so that I left for Singapore yesterday or today. Time to think at such moments is a bad thing.

I think the takeaway is that after the adrenalin of the last few months, it's quiet here and I am finding it a little depressing. Sigh.

There is great comfort in dreams at times.

I thought I wouldn't be sad and I thought I had assimilated it all. That I would leave here and not come back. turns out that my mind had accepted the leaving but the never coming back hit me hard today. I am being silly. Everything comes to an end and seems inconsequential from the other side. But while I'm on this side and approaching the paradigm shift how frightened I am.

I will miss you terribly, Chicago. I'll miss my carefree MBA life. I should never have complained once about it. I loved all the moments. Even the stress, since it helped me lose weight. I would never have started dancing, never have learnt anything without coming here. My life has been changed.

Ah well. you knew the 'rhapsody' post was coming. I am a product of my environment.