The dancing on friday and saturday was so stressful. I am a little sad I couldn't let loose and enjoy myself more. So from that point of view I consider it a failure. It was never meant to be work but that is what it became. If I ever do this again I either have to be less nervous or ready to accept the stress levels. It won't be worth it otherwise. I can't take stress on like this. It's not healthy! Then I wonder why I am doing all of this. Why am I dancing? I had full-time loads for work and study and will continue to. Where is all this dancing going to get me? I spend money and effort on it and pour so much heart into it but I don't know if the returns are commensurate. I'm not always like this, I have enjoyed myself in the past but right now it feels like a relationship is over. We'll have to see in Singapore how I feel about it.
Then now we're done with school. That is a 2 year relationship that's ended right here. I am at a loss. I know there is so much for me going forward but what about right now? I don't have any school stuff to do. Only packing, sorting, disposing, moving etc. That's not what I am used to.
And I lost my phone yesterday. Miserable. I had that little antique phone for these last 2 years ever since I got to Chicago. And now, on graduating, I lose it. Miserable.
And all of us are leaving. I may never see any of these people again. Perhaps then I won't mind it so much but right now I am forlorn. I should have contrived it so that I left for Singapore yesterday or today. Time to think at such moments is a bad thing.
I think the takeaway is that after the adrenalin of the last few months, it's quiet here and I am finding it a little depressing. Sigh.
