You've seen me depressed before and you know the only thing that's going to really pull me out is a solution to the problem. Till such time I'll be on average, a little low. Only on average.
And right now I'm going to rip into Frank Capra's Wonderful Life. That was a sappy feel good movie which did not do that much for me. I was actually saddened at how he had to shelve his ambition away and horrified at how he ran the bank. Just because there was a little Christmas miracle doesn't mean it changed any of my sadness or horror. I would rather live a year longer in misery but in complete recognition of the truth than a lifetime of telling myself that everything is fine.
True, I'm moping
True, it will work out
but it's still true that every rejection will sting and smart. Ever since I was a kid, I made for a sore loser. That's just translated into moping as an adult. I wont spiral into destruction, I'm more sensible now. I'm going to keep studying and keep applying. Only effort pulls people out.
It sounded a lot less sappy in the email. But I edited out all references and humanity out of it
