Today, tomorrow

I want to do something that feels right now but perhaps later I will regret it. Do I live in now or think for later?
I am cross and wonder why should the thought of a deadline change anything? If I am angry or displeased will that change because I only have a little time to be angry or displeased in?
I am tired of waiting, wanting, pandering. I am tired of putting by for later emotionally.
Now. It is now.

I know this is hardly the frame of mind I should be facing my commitments for my studying. Why should I feel old before my time? I am old. Even so, I cannot find it in me to act right now as if I am acting for myself in the future. The future Ipshita and I in my current mood, are not going to be friends. We rail at each other. One for her cautious calculated outlook and the other for her uninhibited restlessness, irresponsibility and search for ephemeral joy. But anger at thoughts we will forgive. What is it that each of us will do that will make us hate one another and will they come to pass or remain as phantom might-have-beens that either one of us will shudder at?