Nathaniel is dead. 

Every time I realise that again, I want to curl up and cry.

Characters in books affect me like this

Cold, crisp, the air is like a lettuce leaf. I am high up and I am leaning heavily on a pole, chin snuggled in my warm jacket. Dictators who stand cloak flapping as they surveyed the extent of their power must shiver so much in their defiant pose. The long white beams of light from below swing from side to side, their colour catch on the low hanging clouds. There is no power in me and its a shame. There ought to be. Drama demands it.

I suddenly realised why I love this place. I've got profs in the news. So this is how universities work. They bring you near the pinnacles of excellence and make you yearn to be superlative. I can't believe I'm studying with these people. You'd have thought I might have thought of all that before I applied. Nopes, all i was hoping was career advancement. Now I feel foolish and shallow. There are such big brains and intentions humming in the air. I have got to get good.

" Journalists writing popular treatments of subatomic physics could take a lesson from the scientists: Tell it straight and have a little faith that the subject matter itself—a major advance in our understanding of the cosmos—can generate its own wonder and excitement."

I fall into this error sometimes when trying to communicate what I feel. I should sit back and tell it like it is and those who can feel it will feel it.

7 Billion and everyone elbowing everyone for expression and to everyone they are the only ones alive. I know you and I know them, but in the end the only thing I know is me and sometimes not even that. In this heat and battle, how am I in any way unique? To be removed a few genes at a time from everyone is not enough.

Delirium and death, I want to be that. 

Sad, I am sad. I'm feeling homesick. the days are fast and varied but I'm still feeling kind of alone. I want meaningful people.

To be fair, this is just a mood, I'll probably be happy like mad on saturday

Trapeze

I am a trapeze artist swinging from the handle of one task to another, catching it just in the nick of time and using it to fly to another. The timing is crucial