Mope

So much trash gets published. I feel sure I could do it too and I feel despondent. I have to remind myself

• Strength comes from within: don't be jealous and don't be influenced. I'm going to wait.
• One must choose battles to win and not spread forces out too thinly: I can't and will never be able to do everything I want to, at once. I have enough on my plate now. I am going to wait.
• And, one must be wise enough: I can't write well enough yet. I am going to wait.

The Endeavour has landed

Happy.

Go away, they're my band

I loved them before you did. I listened to them before you. Just because you like them now makes you a n00b. So don't talk to me about them.

Their third album is all mine. Mwahahahaha

Today, tomorrow

I want to do something that feels right now but perhaps later I will regret it. Do I live in now or think for later?
I am cross and wonder why should the thought of a deadline change anything? If I am angry or displeased will that change because I only have a little time to be angry or displeased in?
I am tired of waiting, wanting, pandering. I am tired of putting by for later emotionally.
Now. It is now.

I know this is hardly the frame of mind I should be facing my commitments for my studying. Why should I feel old before my time? I am old. Even so, I cannot find it in me to act right now as if I am acting for myself in the future. The future Ipshita and I in my current mood, are not going to be friends. We rail at each other. One for her cautious calculated outlook and the other for her uninhibited restlessness, irresponsibility and search for ephemeral joy. But anger at thoughts we will forgive. What is it that each of us will do that will make us hate one another and will they come to pass or remain as phantom might-have-beens that either one of us will shudder at?

I want to be able to indulge in grand threats, blackmail, tantrums in order to achieve my very reasonable goals, but this is childish and I know I never mean to carry it out. So I am more rational, I know what I want. Why don't I just go ahead and do it or take it? Let those who will stand in the way just sleep.

The un-muse

Whats the opposite of a muse? I have one. If she is around and I happen to have a idea I want to use, to think about; she opens her mouth and says something so trite, so common about the same thing, I lose all enthusiasm about the idea and it is her words who have claimed it.
She is sure to over-exclaim, exaggerate in worn out cliches and phrases. Argh. The originality index of a place drops when she arrives.
Sure, I'm not the most creative or fresh person in the world, but I'm not blind to my shortcomings, I try and I'm not puffed up with a sense of aggrandisement. What I think or want to say could be crap sure, give it a chance.

Irrational as a puppy dog. Clarke is dead, but seeing the notice of his death I was plunged into fresh mourning for the passing of Asimov.